Reaction vs. response

Reaction vs. response

If we look at their dictionary meanings, the words “reaction” and “response” have a similar meaning. In many situations, they can even be used interchangeably. However, when we want to understand human psychology and how it impacts our patterns of behavior, we need to start distinguishing between these two words.

In many situations in life, we tend to react blindly to a stimulus that we are confronted with without any consideration of the possible outcome of our actions. A reaction is often done as a defense mechanism and is usually emotionally charged. In most cases, a reaction results in negative consequences and we may end up regretting it.

A response, on the other hand, is an act which is a result of careful evaluation of the stimulus that triggered the response and the possible consequences of the act. When we respond with clarity of thought, it can result in a healthy and beneficial outcome for us.

React or respond?

Let’s take a few examples of how the two may play out in a given situation:

Stimulus: Someone cuts you across while driving.

Reaction: you get angry and upset and even say a few choice words. If you reflect back on this reaction, you’ll recognize that the other person is totally oblivious of your words or emotions. The only one who is getting hurt is “you” yourself. 

Response: you ignore the other person’s action and make adjustments in your own driving so you are safe.

Stimulus: Your boss offers negative feedback on the project report that you submitted after working tirelessly for several days on it.

Reaction: you get so upset that you dart into your boss’s office and threaten to quit the job or take some other drastic action. This will obviously lead to increased friction between you and the boss which can never be healthy for your own professional and career growth.

Response: you analyze the boss’s feedback carefully with a cool mind and try to understand the reasons behind the boss’s remarks. You can then decide to see the boss and through discussion with the boss you may get a better idea as to how you can improve the quality of your work and enhance the prospect of your own growth in your job.

Stimulus: You experience a bad case of stomachache which is not normal for you.

Reaction: You have a family history of cancer. Your immediate reaction might be to associate your ache with potential cancer. This can put you in a state of anxiety or depression. 

Response: You seek medical help and through tests try to establish the cause of the pain. That way you can get the needed treatment without putting yourself through imaginary anxiety and agony.

Stimulus: You enter your child’s room and find clutter all over the place despite telling your child to clean the room.

Reaction: You get upset and start shouting at the child for being disrespectful and not learning the value of cleanliness and proper organization.

Response: You need to understand that the kids need their own space and environment to learn and grow. We sometimes don’t give them enough credit for how fast they learn and how much they know. In the present situation, a positive response might be to sit down with the child and discuss why a cluttered room may not be desirable. Of course, you must understand that your own ideas about organization and cleanliness are driven by your own “samskaras” (past impressions) which may drive your ego to assume a sense of superiority over the child. Instead, if you note that the discussion does not have the desired impact on the child, you may just let it be and allow the child his/her own freedom to learn and grow naturally.

These examples will give us an idea that in many situations in life, we simply react blindly without any thought of the negative consequence of our action. Instead of the blind reaction, if we pause briefly and assess the situation with a sense of clarity, we may come up with a “response” which can be healthy and beneficial for us.

Why do we react?

Every experience in life gets etched in our memory. We also label every experience as pleasant/unpleasant, happy/sad, desirable/undesirable etc. Our natural tendency is to repeat the experiences that are pleasant and avoid those that are otherwise. When we repeat something over and over again, it creates a deep impression in the memory. In yoga terminology, these impressions are called “samskaras”. When we are presented with a situation which may seem threatening in any way, these samskaras prompt us to a “knee-jerk” reaction, more as a defense mechanism. In such a situation, we react impulsively, without any conscious thought or analysis.

A reaction usually represents a lack of self-awareness. We are unable to make a proper assessment of the situation that we are facing. Another phrase that is commonly used is that we are “not in the present moment”. When we are not in the present moment, we tend to dwell on the past or project life into the future. That is how we tend to react blindly based on our past experiences without understanding or analyzing the situation we are in.

Anatomy of a response

As we saw above, in most situations a response is more desirable than a blind “knee-jerk” reaction. However, does a response always result in a positive and desirable outcome? Not necessarily. The nature of response depends upon the state of the mind we are in at the time of response. As we know, being a part of nature (Prakriti), our mind is a composite of the three gunas – sattva (purity), rajas (action), and tamas (darkness/dullness). You can read a brief description of the gunas on my blog here. Our response will be determined by the guna that is dominant at the time. Let us take a look at the following scenario and try to understand the nature of the reaction and possible responses.

It is late in the evening, and you are going for an evening walk along the roadside. You suddenly notice that on the side of the road, a man is lying on the ground with his bicycle a few feet away. It appears that, for some reason, the man must have fallen from the bike, hit his head on the ground, and lost consciousness. Let us look at the possible reaction and responses:

“Knee-jerk” reaction: you just walk past the injured person saying to yourself, “too bad he is hurt but I can’t get involved”.

Response 1 (driven by sattva guna): You stop there, call 911 and wait until help arrives. In the meantime, you help reassemble the man’s belongings which may have scattered on the ground.

Response 2 (driven by rajas guna): You look around and notice a couple of other people walking in that direction. You convince yourself that, “I am too busy and have to get back home in time for dinner. In any case, one of the other guys walking that way will surely help”. You continue on your walk.

Response 3 (driven by tamas guna): You look around and see no one in the near vicinity. It is dark enough and you are sure that no one can see you. You check the injured person’s pocket, take out his wallet, take all the cash and possibly the credit card and quietly walk away.

As you can see, all the three responses above are carefully calculated. However, depending upon the dominant guna at the time, each results in a vastly different outcome.

What about spontaneity?

As we have seen above, a calculated response may not always end up in a desirable outcome. There are situations where, given a trigger, you may have a spontaneous “reaction” which is driven by your pure intuitive wisdom and may represent the best course of action. However, if you give a pause, the ego may wake up and take control of the situation. As discussed above, depending upon the state of your mind, you may end up with a response which is highly undesirable. 

How to develop the ability to respond rather than react? 

Building self-awareness and learning how to stay in the present moment are key to developing the ability to respond consciously in situations that seem challenging. As we saw above, when presented with a situation that seems threatening, we give in to our survival instinct and react blindly. In order to be able to respond carefully, we need to learn how to stay calm and act with clarity and sharpness of the mind. Yoga, as we know, offers an 8-fold approach to life which, when followed regularly, can help develop a mind that can stay calm and peaceful in trying circumstances. Of the eight limbs of yoga, the most important is the practice of meditation which can help calm the mind and allow us to think and act with clarity of thought and purpose. The two other practical aspects of yoga which help us in the practice of meditation are asana (physical posture) and pranayama (breathing practice). It is recommended that you learn yoga from a qualified yoga instructor and then practice on a regular basis.

You are welcome to visit my blog and the youtube channel to learn many of the commonly practiced asana and pranayama techniques as well as some basic meditation techniques.