Four attitudes that will keep your mind calm and peaceful

In the Indian culture, six negative tendencies are listed as the biggest enemies of the human mind. These are

• kama (lust/cravings)
• krodha (anger)
• lobha (greed)
• moha (delusion/a disconnect from reality)
• mada (pride/arrogance)
• matsarya (jealousy)

We all get afflicted by one or more of these emotions in our lives. They are usually referred to as "shad-ripu" (six enemies) or "ari-shadvargah" (a group of six enemies).

How are these negative emotions brought about? It is the ego which, driven by the past samskaras (impressions), develops strong likes and dislikes (raga/dwesha). When we are not able to fulfil our desires based on strong likes, or cannot get rid of something that we truly dislike, we develop frustration. It is this frustration that can manifest into one of these negative emotions. It is this frustration that causes stress. Once we get caught up in this cycle, it is like a downward spiral from where it is very hard to climb upward.

How do we come out of this seemingly ever-widening web of negativity? Patanjali, in the Yoga Sutras, gives a very nice "formula" that we can apply to attain some sense of calm and peace of mind. In sutra 1.33, Patanjali tells us to adopt four different attitudes that can help when we are dealing with four different types of people. The sutra is:

"maitri karuna muditopekshanam, sukha dukkha punya apunya vishayanam, bhavanatah chitta prasadanam"

"By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness." (Sutra 1.33 – translation by Swami Satchidananda)

In this sutra, Patanjali divides people into four categories – sukha (happy), dukkha (unhappy), punya (virtuous), apunya (non-virtuous or wicked). For each one of these categories, Patanjali gives us a specific mental attitude which will help us stay calm and peaceful – maitri (friendliness), karuna (compassion/empathy), mudita (delight), upeksha (disregard/indifference).

Friendliness toward the happy

When we see someone happy or successful, there is a tendency to become jealous or angry. We start blaming our fate and curse God for being unfair to us while favoring the person who seems happy and successful. Obviously these negative emotions only harm us, not the person who apparently caused these emotions to surface in our mind. Stress or depression are some possible outcomes of these emotions.

This sutra states that in order to keep the mind peaceful, we need to develop an attitude of friendliness toward those who are happy, comfortable and successful.

Compassion toward the unhappy

Compassion or empathy is to feel the pain of others in your own heart. It is this feeling that propels us to extend a helping hand to those in need. We may decide to throw our hands up and say, "ah! It is just their fate! Since everything is based on the law of karma, this guy is just reaping the fruits of his own past karma. Helping these guys is not going to change anything for them whereas my bank balance will definitely go down." We may also develop a sense of arrogance or pride (one of the six enemies above) saying, "I am where I am in life based on my own hard work, I deserve it. Let the others also do the same kind of hard work and earn their way up in life." We forget at that time that life will bring about all kind of suffering from time to time and there will be times when we may seek help and sympathy from others.

On the other hand if we can provide timely help to someone in dire need, there is a possibility that the person may come out of the quagmire and do something meaningful for themselves. While growing up in India I saw it all the time that when some poor kids were given enough financial support to get school/college education, they were able to do very well for themselves in life.

Delight in the virtuous

Virtuous (punya) are those who do benevolent deeds, act selflessly to help those in need, and act from a pure mind. These people do not cause any harm to others. Essentially, virtuous people follow the edicts of "dharma" (righteousness) as prescribed in our ancient scriptures. When we come across such people, we should feel a sense of delight or pleasure in interacting with them. Any negative feelings or emotions such as jealousy, hatred or anger toward such people will cause stress for ourselves only.

Disregard or indifference toward the wicked

Wicked or eveil (apunya) are those who have a tendency to cause harm to others through action, speech or thought. Such people do not follow the edicts of "dharma" as given in our scriptures. They carry evil designs in their minds and are always looking for an opportunity to cause damage to people, property, and the environment etc.

We are always faced with such people at work or in our families. Rather than carrying a grudge against them or thinking ill of them, this sutra states that we should have an attitude of indifference or disregard for them. The word "upeksha" in Sanskrit is a composite of the prefix ‘up’ (above or over) followed by ‘iksha’ (see or look). Thus it literally means "looking over" or disregarding.

This is one of the harder attitudes to develop as it involves dealing with people who can be labeled ‘difficult’. Since we may be directly involved with such people, it is hard to develop a sense of disregard for them. However, once we can develop such an attitude it can really help us keep our mind calm and peaceful even in the most challenging situations.

I would love to hear your thoughts on how to handle these six negative tendencies and how to stay calm in testing situations. Please provide your feedback in the comments section below.