Value of non-judgment

At the dinner table, a conversation between mother and child might go something like this …

M: Son, try out this new dish, it is delicious.
C: No, thanks, mom. I don’t like it.
M: just give it a try.
C: No, mom, I told you I don’t like it.
M: But you haven’t even tried it.
C: I know I wouldn’t like it.

After a few more moments of this conversation, the mother gives up, frustrated. The child, based on a previous experience of a similar-looking dish that he didn’t like, has made up his mind not to even try the new dish. Based on his preconceived notions, he has made a judgment that he is not going to like the dish. What he doesn’t realize is that he might be missing out on a delightful new experience.

This all-too-familiar scenario is typical of how we end up judging every person, situation or event based on behavior, qualities, looks, achievements, social status etc. Even though opinions and judgment based on past experience and knowledge separate us humans from most of the other species, the act of judgment becomes a liability and a vice when it is done compulsively or imprudently. Apart from sapping energy in wasteful exertions, this vice causes strained relationships, takes away from goals, degrades outlook, and steals peace of mind.

Why are we so judgmental?

In an earlier blog post titled, “How does the mind function?”, I outlined the four functions of the mind: manas (cognitive/thinking mind), buddhi (intellect), chitta (memories and past impressions) and ahamkara (ego). Please read that article to understand how these four functions work and interact with each other. The main theme that comes out is that for a majority of us, most of the time the ego plays a dominant role whereas the intellect acts as a subservient to the ego. In his Yoga Sutras, Patanjali states that it is the dominance of the ego over the intellect which is the cause of all our suffering. The goal of the practice of yoga is to sharpen the intellect enough so that it is no more dependent on the ego.

The dominant ego loves to act based on past impressions (samskaras) which sometimes lie deep in our subconscious levels of the chitta. The ego compares every new experience with a similar experience from the past, even though that experience may only be vaguely related to the present one. It likes to make its judgment based on whether or not the previous experience was pleasant or unpleasant.

In the above scenario, the child’s ego compared the looks of the food in front with a similar-looking food from the past and made a judgment based on it. If the intellect were empowered to be dominant, then it might have decided to try the food since it was new and would have enriched the child’s experience.

Categories of judgment

We can broadly categorize judgment as compulsive or imprudent.

When we start to judge events, situations or other people based on qualities that are of low substance, the quality of judgment starts to turn into a liability. For instance, if we judge others on how they speak, look, eat, dress, walk, sit, appear etc., we are being compulsive in our judgment. If this vice is not checked in time, its frequency starts to increase – to a level that it becomes a nonstop obsession. Upon reaching this stage, the person becomes a perennial complainer. And, when he is not complaining, he is either annoyed or irritated. People, including his close friends, start to avoid him. Staying in this stage for prolonged periods also attracts all sort of mental and physical problems. Over time, compulsive judgment itself becomes a disease.

Now, let’s take a look at what is imprudent judgment. When we pass judgment on someone, somewhere we believe that we know better or the other person is somewhat inadequate. For instance, when we judge someone on his dress, it underscores our unstated belief that we have a better dress sense than others. A harsh reality is that we are simply wrong in majority of such assessments; we are just not aware of the other person’s situation and are unqualified to assess the situation.

Another form of imprudent judgment is when we pass judgments without paying much attention. Because of our ego, we sometime judge in a hurry or don’t pay attention to our own biases. Almost everyone can recall experiences when the first impression formed of a person or situation turned out to be completely wrong. However frivolous it may sound, the price of such misjudgments in terms of opportunities and relationships is simply incomprehensible.

Some other pitfalls of judging are summarized below:

Judging increases a sense of isolation and separation because it lays emphasis on differences rather than similarities. When we judge others as inferior or superior, richer or poorer, smarter or stupider, prettier or uglier, we are emphasizing the sense of separation.

As mentioned above, judging is based on our preconceived notions (samskaras). By judging, however, we are actually reinforcing these samskaras. Stronger and deeper samskaras mean that we are limiting our experiences even further through judgment.

How to become non-judgmental?

Sutra 2.28 of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali states, “Through the practice of the eight limbs of Yoga, the impurities of the mind dwindle away and there dawns the light of wisdom, leading to self-realization.”
In this sutra, the impurities of the mind refer to the samskaras (impressions) and vasanas (deep-seated desires) which are the cause of all suffering (kleshas). As stated above, the ego loves to feed upon these samskaras to pass judgment on others. Through the practice of the eight limbs of yoga, we can eliminate the influence of the ego and sharpen the intellect (light of wisdom). Once the intellect has been sharpened, it can critically analyze every experience for the most desirable outcome.

Acknowledgement

I would like to express my gratitude to my friend, Harsh Mendiratta, of NJ for allowing me to use his essay that he wrote on the same subject as resource for this blog post.